The Past Presents the Future

The past. For some of us the past is "the glory days", a time in our life we're not ready to let go of yet. For others the past is full of regret and "skeletons in the closet". Yet all of us carry the past with us throughout our lives and it contributes to many of our life choices. I think it's crucial to have a healthy relationship with our past, but determining exactly what that looks like requires us to deal with what our past may be.

The "Glory Days" Past
Here I'm not talking about that annoying friend who bores everyone to sleep every time they re-hash old tales. Rather, I'm talking about being so immersed in your past that you're absent from the present.

Let me tell you a story. When I finished school I embarked on several years of missionary work which took me all across Australia. I was living the ultimate gap-year(s) adventure! Life was fast paced, full of unknowns and mysteries. Yet, when I returned home it felt like everyone and everything were living in slow motion. Life became predictable again. I quickly became disenchanted with study and family and work; to the point where I became disengaged with it all.

Life has adventures, journeys and good times. It also has mundane, everyday, chore-ish sort of stuff too. Here's the thing: all of it, both the adventures and the mundane, all of it has fruit. So as boring as study might be, as testing as family relationships can get or as frustrating as working can become: you miss the value of all these things if you write them off. Live the mundane, as well as the adventures.

The "Skeleton in the Closet" Past
We all have secrets. We all have things that we're embarrassed about, or hurt from or ashamed of. And we'd be petrified if anyone ever found out. Sometimes we can glaze over these moments and pretend like they never happened.

For a long time in my life I thought I was going to be a priest. I thought for certain that was what I was meant to do with my life. And I wasn't shy about telling people that either! So you can imagine the embarrassment I felt when I left the seminary. It wasn't a negative experience, but I felt ashamed that I couldn't complete the training and I felt like I let so many people down. These feelings proceeded to hound me, to the point where I forgot the original reason why I left the seminary in the first place (God was calling me elsewhere) and I glazed over the whole experience. Over the years that followed I was bugged by the question: should I or shouldn't I go back? It took me years to find peace.

There's the cliche line that we need to learn from our past. Well yes, but there's more to dealing with our past. I believe we need to make decisions about our past in order to make decisions about our future. What do I mean? I needed to look back at my seminary experience and say "ok, so I thought I was going to be a priest; now I'm not." It seems simple enough, but saying that to myself has given me the freedom to move on with my life, to commit to a relationship to my job and to study. It's important to name and own the "skeletons in the closet", to lay them to rest rather than burying them deep in the recesses of our mind.

I think a healthy relationship with the past is one where I carry my experiences into my present. The alternative is to be constantly dragged back into the past, to re-live grand experiences or to mull over hurts and regrets.  We need to make decisions about our past to make decisions about our future. Yes, your past is a part of you; so don't leave your past behind! Make peace with your past and allow God to use it to direct you to your future.

Do You Relate?

In my job I throw the word discernment around a lot; and I've started to catch myself rolling my eyes every time I do. It's like I've become tired of the word. Perhaps maybe we have lessened the value of what discernment is actually about. I think maybe we are operating with a poor caricature of what a true and authentic search for God actually entails. 

So, here I want to share what I think discernment really is about. And ultimately what I think it comes down to is relationships. The two most important commandments are to love God with all your heart, mind and soul; and to love others as you love yourself. The Christian faith is about relationship: with God, with self and with others. Being in touch with those relationships is how we discern.

Relationship with self

We've all heard a thousand times over that each of us is uniquely gifted and that we're called to share those gifts. We are. But knowledge of self has to be more than knowing what I'm good at. I'm good at spinning a basketball on my finger, but spinning basketballs is not my vocation. 

So what's the deeper level? I think that at the depths of who we are God has implanted passions and desires. Those are dangerous words because our society uses them loosely and often. I'm not talking about things you like. I like chocolate (a lot!), but I don't think God would call me to eat chocolate every day for the rest of my life (I am open to God correcting me though!). 

I think the key to understanding our gifts and our passions is how we relate them back to God and others: i.e. what are the gifts God has given me that I'm most passionate about sharing for God/with others? The act of knowing oneself is not about navel gazing or looking in on oneself. I think it's more about looking at your reflection in a mirror: the mirror doesn't just reflect back your image, but everything and everyone surrounding you. This is how we are meant to understand our inner self - in relation to God and to our community.

Relationship with others

This naturally leads to reflecting on the needs of our community. It's obvious that both our Church are our wider global community are in need of young, passionate, engaged leaders. At a local level we might be able to identify some immediate needs. Responding to the needs of our community is part and parcel of being a Christian.

Relating to others implies three things: dialogue, listening and responding. As a young person it can often be bewildering to find a practical way to engage in the world; so my advice is to ask. Ask for a job, ask if you can help, actually physically ask people in your community if there is something you can do. People often have needs, but they often wait for someone to offer help before asking for it. 

It's also important to stop and listen. Vocation isn't discerned in a vacuum, and often those people that we trust the most will point out things about us we haven't already realised ourselves. Family, friends, teachers, mentors, co-workers: these are people who can offer an objective viewpoint and exterior wisdom to the discernment journey.

And I think in a world that is so fast paced and ever-changing, people long for commitment. The way that we relate to other, the way that we act in our community needs to be marked with commitment. If not then the people we serve simply become a feel-good task we can tick off our list of accomplishments. I think we are called to authentically engage in our Church and in our world.

Relationship with God

The Bible is full of images of God's voice leading, prompting and calling people...Why is it not the same for us? I think the "fast food" mentality is rampant throughout our society: glaring signs, multitudes of options and immediate provision. This mentality tempts us to settle for less, while our too-hard basket fills up. How easy is it to do the same with God?

The reality is that sometimes God's call is obvious...but a lot of the time it's not. Yet if we are to discover and live a calling prayer is vital. It's impossible to hear God's call without consulting God about that call. Asking God the question "where are you calling me?" is a very dangerous thing; dangerous because God will answer that question.

The answer might take the form of "signs" in our lives. I don't mean Moses-like signs of parting seas, but God's presence in the very realities of our life: through the words of those around us, through a change of circumstances, through a passion or deeply rooted sense of peace - God's call comes in many ways but is always present in our lives.

Why does this all matter? Isn't discernment only for those who are thinking about priesthood or religious life, or who take relationships too seriously? I think we need to stop talking about discernment as some sort of analytic process; discernment isn't just a process, it's life. Discerning is living: as we go through life and all it's different circumstances, as we live with others and as we seek God in the midst of all of that; we necessarily have to make decisions. The level to which we discern those decisions is the reflection of how authentically we are living out God's call. What is all comes back to is that God has a far bigger and far better plan for our world than what we're currently living in. We need to stop selling ourselves and our world short. 

Stuck in my head

Have you ever had the experience of someone getting something stuck in your head? Yesterday morning someone mentioned to me that they had potato gems for dinner. Immediately I began fantasising about potato gems: the crunch, the grease, the burning sensation from being too impatient to let them cool - potato gems are pure eating bliss! Even now, twenty four hours later, I still have a craving for potato gems!

But it's not just with food. On Sunday night my girlfriend's mother mentioned her favourite song. Everyday since then I've had that song stuck in my head: when I'm in the car it will no doubt come on the radio, or I catch my self humming the melody. It happens to me all the time: someone will mention a food or a song or a movie; and I'll spend the following minutes, hours, even days with it stuck in my head.

It's not just food or music that gets stuck in our heads though. I still remember back in Year 11 my Business teacher saying he couldn't picture me working in health care. Ever since then I have always thought that I couldn't work in health care.

Many vocations have been born out a comment or a question that has planted a thought in someone's head. Many priests and seminarians would say they pursued the vocation to priesthood because someone asked them if they'd ever thought about being a priest. Since I left the seminary many people have admitted to me that they couldn't see me becoming a priest; which has been a real confirmation of the journey I feel God is leading me on.

Words are powerful things, especially when they are spoken and spoken by people whom we trust or admire. There's no doubt in my mind that God could use such words to lead someone in their faith journey. So there's two challenges here for us:

1) To have the courage to speak such words. You might notice a gift or a talent or a passion in a friend, sibling, even a random at school or work. A word of encouragement or affirmation could lead to that person discovering the purpose God has placed in their life. It doesn't have to be big or prophetic, it could be something as simple as "hey, I noticed you're pretty good at ____/passionate about _____; have you ever thought of doing something with that?" Discernment isn't just about discerning your own vocation, but helping others discern their calling too.

2) To have the courage to accept such words. We often find it uncomfortable to have someone affirm our gifts, and it can be hard to accept such encouragement. The "tall poppy syndrome" which pervades our society tempts us not to stand out. If someone you really trust or admire points out a gift or talent or passion - follow it! As I said, there's no doubt in my mind that God speaks meaning and purpose to us through the words of those whom we really trust and admire. Sometimes though it may not be straightforward or even make sense to follow their advice, so there's a bit of risk involved. But affirmation, challenge or encouragement that is spoken sincerely will often point to the truth of who we are as human beings.

Really, the point I'm trying to make is that God does speak to us; and when someone's words get stuck in your head, they're probably stuck there for good reason. We need to listen carefully to how our vocation unfolds through our daily experiences. And we need to have the courage to take up the invitation to uncover the fullness of who we have been created to be.